This year has been hard.

Not just for me, but for so many people I know and tons of people I don’t. It seems like we’re all collectively welcoming in the new year with a big sigh of relief and hope for a new beginning as we give a big middle finger to the one behind us. Of course, hurt isn’t restricted to 2017, but it just seemed to come in a big wave for me. Myself, along with so many of my friends are navigating big changes and challenges that will alter the trajectory of their lives moving forward. It’s been painful to walk through it with them, but that’s what we do right? We show up. I certainly don’t have solutions or answers all the time, but I can offer myself, my friendship, and my time. Sometimes, it means bringing my camera and documenting big moments.

I know that we’re used to inviting someone to photograph life’s happiest moments. We see so many photos of weddings and babies, which are great and welcome, but I was thinking about all the life lived in the in between. What about all the big moments that define us in more subtle ways? I’m excited to explore that space creatively, starting now.

Here’s to a new year, a new path, and a new apartment for my friend Sam. We sat in an empty room and talked about the future. The excitement, the fear, and the freedom to be who you are. We talked about parenting our sons and what it means to show them a strong mama who refuses to sit passively on the sidelines of her life. We talked about the symbolism of a new apartment and the possibility of a new year. We burned sage and cast positive intention over her space. Here are some of my favorite captures from some introspective time well spent.

Remember when I said that I wouldn’t shoot another wedding? Well.. never say never friends. It was still challenging and the day still left me with sore feet and tired eyes, but I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I know Donna through one of my oldest friends, so when she was looking for a wedding photographer, I jumped at the chance to put myself in the running. I knew it would be a great chance to visit Idaho again. It just felt right, so I was thrilled when they chose me to capture their day.

Donna and David said ‘I do’ in sweet little city outside of Boise called Nampa. Their event venue was in the quaint little downtown area full of shops with a beautiful rose garden just a quick drive away, which was perfect for their first looks pre ceremony.

Here are my favorite shots from the day.

My recent trip to the mountains of Guatemala left me deeply in love with the beautiful people of this rich country.

The purpose of our trip was to show people of political influence the success of Food for the Hungry’s (FH) work on fighting chronic malnutrition while recruiting advocates for United States foreign aid. While many of our friends of Capital Hill happily think well of FH’s work, it’s another thing entirely to offer them a first-hand experience, to walk the trails to community gardens, shake the hands of leaders, witness the smiling faces of healthy children, listen to the personal accounts of mothers, and see the charts documenting growth milestones. Being there makes all the difference and we need all the help we can get.

A recent survey of Americans revealed that a shocking majority of people believe that over 25 percent of the United States national budget is dedicated to foreign aid, when that number in fact only represents about one percent. However, that penny on the dollar investment in the people of other nations, not only represents the expected Christian humanitarian response to need and suffering, it’s also the most economical way to bridge foreign divides and create allies, reduce the need for military interventions, and stimulate global economies.

I know our guests from Washington went home to a new perspective and a more open heart for the poor. If they were anything like me, they not only saw the need and the poverty, but they saw the richness of the people there. They saw their culture and their devotion to their communities. They saw their ability to be self-sustaining and learn. They saw image bearers of God living in a beautiful place full of possibility. I’m honored to have experienced this beautiful place. These are some of my favorite photos from the trip.

Sean,

Standing next to you on this day is one of the single greatest joys of my life. It’s a celebration and I think marriages deserve that. We deserve that. Ten years is a long time, especially when it’s the space where we’ve grown up. We’ve had the privilege and responsibility to help one another discover the space we want to occupy in the world. We’ve been able to form our identities and shape the trajectory of our lives together. It’s been an honor to watch you grow into the man I know you’ve been striving to be. I feel a lot of things today, but mostly just accomplished and proud.

Proud of work and the time we’ve put in.

Proud of the intentional decisions we’ve made about how we raise our son and what kind of parents we will be, what kind of person we hope he will be.

Proud of the fights because they pushed us. They begged us to examine an area of our lives and get on the same page, process hurt, and forge a way forward.

Proud that after every storm, we find our way to the shore once more.

Proud that although we’re no where near perfect, we keep showing up each day.

Marriage has humbled me and made me better. It asks me to give first and sacrifice my own desires for the betterment of our relationship, home, and family. It’s still a challenge and I still regularly fail at this, but I’m thankful that you’re there to give me the safety and space to try again.

Thank you for the late nights you’ve held me in your arms while I sobbed after feeling victimized by my own inadequacies. You’ve given me exactly what I need.

Thank you for your unwavering confidence. With you I know that no idea is too big and you’ll always support my ideas no matter how crazy or unlikely they seem. You’re happy to see me succeed and you’re my biggest confidant.

Thank you for balancing my intensity and bringing me peace.

Thank you for reminding me that there’s life to live and my checklist will always be there.

Thank you for helping me craft a family culture that includes creativity. I’m so grateful that you’re always up for a photoshoot in the name of art or that our favorite conversations are dreaming up our next big project. No creative venture is off limits and I know in 50 years, we’ll have a lifetime of art to show for it.I love building that legacy with you.

Thank you for the way you love me and the way you love Harvey. You’re everything to us.

I’m honored to spend my life with you and I’m so excited to see what’s to come in our next decade. I love you with all I am. More, more-er, and more-est. Happy anniversary.

– Your Wife

These amazing photos are courtesy of Jay and Jess Photography.

Makeup by the talented SN Makeup 

I’ve loved Erin Loechner for quite some time. She’s behind Design for Mankind, which one of the few blogs that I make time to visit again and again. Her writing is great and her perspective is genuine. I had her new book on my reading list ever since I found out she was publishing one, but I got lucky and got my hands on an advanced copy. This was in December. I know that we’re after slow here, but I’m sure Erin and her publicist would have preferred that this blog post go live months ago. I’m now on the side of failed blogger rather than frustrated book publicist. Sorry Erin.

Regardless, this book just wasn’t one that I could pour over and read hastily each night. It’s an easy enough read, I just needed time to let her words soak in. Her wisdom needed to marinate for me. I had to put it down and come back to it, ready for more. I’m a bit of a book purist, but I plan to read it again with a highlighter in hand so that I can mark up all the nuggets of knowledge that permeate each page.

“But the thing about apples is that we’re always biting off more than we can chew. It is hard to see which bites night nourish and which might cause us to choke.”

Chasing Slow is the perfect look behind the blog. It’s a charming and real story about a real person, which is easy to forget when we only see the best of the best squares of someone’s life. This book is counter-culture. It asks you to stop glorifying busy and it asks you to look around your life for areas where you can create margin. I feel like authenticity is a term we keep hearing and is something we’re after in a curated world of perfection, but I love the way that Erin walks this fine line between choosing a career that demands you to offer beautiful aesthetics while also maintaining the reality that things aren’t always as they seem.  She gives us glimpses into her story, how she got started, how she failed, and how she’s still trying. She doesn’t try to offer you a picture of someone who has figured it all out, but rather someone who has learned a few things and wants to share. She owns her contradictions.

“I used to think that the opposite of control is chaos, but it’s not. The opposite of control is surrender.”

This book reads more like a stylized journal from a friend or mentor with pieces of advice that either help  you organize your closet or force you to self-reflect, but you’re grateful for them none the less. She isn’t shy about including her faith, which was a plus for me, but I could understand how others might be surprised or off-put as it wasn’t originally marketed as a Christian memoir.

“Without grace, minimalism is another metric for perfection.”

This book is a great read for anyone who is trying to manage the chase of slowing down, taking a deep breath, and living in the truth that less is most often more.

This book was just eh for me. I don’t typically go for beach reads, but the great illustrations on the cover and the glowing reviews had me hoping for something more. I did want to try something a bit lighter and lighter was exactly what I got. The book took me months to finish, definitely not a page-turner.

The story centers on friends and former college band mates Elizabeth, Andrew, and Zoe. They’ve watched one another marry, buy real estate, start businesses and grow families, all while trying to hold on to their youth. Back in the 80’s, the members of Kitty’s Mustache were much cooler. Elizabeth put on a snarl over her Midwestern smile, Andrew let his unwashed hair grow past his chin, and Zoe was the lesbian all the straight women wanted to sleep with. Now nearing fifty, they all live within shouting distance in the same neighborhood deep in gentrified Brooklyn, and the trappings of the adult world seem to have arrived with ease. But the summer that their children reach maturity (and start sleeping together), the fabric of the adult lives suddenly begins to unravel, and the secrets and revelations that are finally revealed—about themselves, and about the famous fourth band member who soared and fell without them.

I’m a big fan of fiction that mirrors real life. I think that nuanced relationships and highlights of the human condition make some of the most gripping stories, but this story of middle-aged has beens was just kind of well… boring.

It seemed all very realistic I suppose, each character dealing with the perils of their age. Marriages that are fizzling out, mid-life crises that led to secrets, teenaged rebellion and sexual exploration. Everything made sense, but none of it made me want to care. All of the characters problems seemed so trivial and the book lacked a real character arch of any kind. The conflicts were riddled with clichés. There was little evidence of evolution or discovery. It seemed more like a journal of six different characters’ point of view, which left me feeling like I couldn’t really get connected to any of them. I think diving into one and exploring the depth of that person would have been a better choice, instead the book felt choppy and hard to follow. That mixed with a slow plot, made it a snooze.

Charith and Michael are expecting their very first baby and these parents are so excited to welcome him into his home. They’re photographers, painters, and all around creative people, so that means they have a deep desire to celebrate their life through art. I know this feeling all to well. So, when I started talking to Charith about a maternity shoot, we knew that we wanted to do something special. I also knew I had to incorporate her global and eccentric vibe. When I suggested a milk bath shoot, we were sold.

One of the things I love most about photographing people I love is that I know them in a way that is difficult to describe. It’s just intuitive. I feel like I have a special gaze into what works and what doesn’t work. I guess some call it vision. I have a specific mood in my mind that I know will translate into an image that fully represents the person. I want them to look at that image and feel like it embodies them and is exactly how they want others to see them.

Sometimes it doesn’t work out like I planned and other times it is absolutely perfect. I’m so honored and proud to share some of my favorite images that really made me proud to be behind the lens doing something I love and honored to create imagery that will be cherished in this family’s life forever.

Coffee:

Milk:

I hope you loved looking at these as much as I love taking them.

Harvey turned 3 a few weeks ago and because I can and because I wanted to, we threw him a birthday party. Since he’s totally into Legos, it was the perfect choice for a theme and I’m a sucker for a theme. The activities weren’t a big deal since we just brought out the Legos and let everyone play.

The most complicated part was the favors I sent home with each guest. I made little Lego shaped coloring crayons. This process isn’t for the faint of heart my friends. I separated crayons I bought from the dollar store into a handful of color groups, peeled the paper off of them, melted them down, and poured them into silicone molds to dry. Tearing the paper off of each crayon and popping them out of the molds in one piece was the hard part. I even used a mini blow torch to reattach the small nubs to the blocks. I do not recommend doing this. I’m a crazy person.

My mom made Lego shaped candy with a similar process and I knew that someone would inevitably mix them up. It happened. It’s not my fault. It wasn’t a kid.

We had marshmallows on a stick dipped in yellow candy to make Lego man heads and block sandwiches. We had a cake I made myself and a photo prop that Sean made himself. We like parties, but I’m happy it’s over.

Here’s this year’s Christmas card and here’s to hoping your holiday is something special.

I’ve not really been all that good at documenting my thoughts and observations on this kid as of lately, but that’s not for a lack of either thoughts or observations. So here’s to  trying to do a better job at things that are important to me.

We’re fast approaching his 3rd birthday and every day there is something new in him that wasn’t there before. His negotiating skills have been on the rise. No matter if he’s trying to eat less bites of dinner or if he’s trying buy more minutes until bedtime, he’s always negotiating back and forth, which has been highly entertaining and yet infuriating.

Hulk is is favorite. Not that long ago, he insisted on wearing his Hulk mask to the grocery store and shouting “Hulk smash” at anyone who walked by. He’s always up for a battle and is happy to assign you to be Ironman or a T-Rex, but Harvey… he’s always Hulk.

When he prays at the dinner table, he always says thank you for the characters of his favorite show Dinotrux. He goes through all of them each time and has to be reminded to be thankful for his meal and other non-essential things in his mind.

He’s quick to say sorry and happy to kiss your toe when you stub it on the couch.

He’s getting really good at Lego building. Also, stepping on them is really as bad as everyone says it is.

He loves to pull up a chair to the kitchen counter and help with whatever I’m doing even if it’s just transferring something from the cutting board to the bowl.

He loves apple juice and has now experienced the joy of candy. He asks for it most mornings upon waking up.

He likes to read books and loves to watch movies. The slide is still his favorite, but he’s warming up to the swing.

He’s his Daddy’s biggest fan.

Couldn’t love him any more.